During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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