I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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