Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
