i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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