she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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