You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
