if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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