I wannas sexs uuuuu
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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