I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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