Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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