Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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