There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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