You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize