She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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