I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
