I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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