I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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