I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
