Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
