I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is my gift to your gina
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm always down for nudity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
