i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
