I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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