The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
