nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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