You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
