Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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