Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
time to smoke my breakfast
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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