I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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