I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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