I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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