so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
