I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
