Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
