I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
