i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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