is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
