Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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