We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
