She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
third nipple confirmed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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