sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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