I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
