Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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