I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
