Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
be right there i have to get my cape
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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