I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
