She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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