I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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