I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
