Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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