I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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