I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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