I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
