this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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