In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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