My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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