I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
