Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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