Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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