just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
