Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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