Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
