So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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