Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
