How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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