I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
