apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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