Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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