if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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